Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize