Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
