I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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