Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
