we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
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