I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize