Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
