haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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