i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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