gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
