I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
