I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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