I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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