I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
