he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Hippo gnu deer
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
