I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
