I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
