ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
