I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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