PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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