Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
