gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
