Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
