Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
