if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
