Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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