I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
