At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
