I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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