Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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