Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
