Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
