he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
