yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
