They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
