Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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