Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize