I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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