pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
