"it" just moved
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
