i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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