You just made me feel so damn special
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
