Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
