I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
