I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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