Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
