you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize