there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
this boner is exhausting
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
