plz talk dirty to me
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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