Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
