my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
