she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
