The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We have started to decorate penises.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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