we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize