Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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