i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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