Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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