Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
