Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
