sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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