Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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