I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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