If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize