i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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